Thursday, 21 May 2015
Monday, 18 May 2015
Wednesday, 13 May 2015
Thursday, 7 May 2015
This week you will see a ghost but nobody will notice when you look startled about it as you look like that a lot of the time already anyway. Later, a serendipitous series of events - all vole-related - will take you on a lengthy journey (247 yards). You will then wander back in your own time.
Beware of not getting your rest. Less than eighteen hours of sleep can have a negative effect on your working life.
This week brings a significant fork in the road for you, in the form of having to decide whether to sit on a pile of two clean towels or in a plant.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Unless your enemy is the vacuum cleaner or that powerful hairdryer Helen bought the other day.
The time has come to make a change in your life. Primarily: stop following people to the toilet then sitting there staring at them. It’s mega creepy.
A tall dark stranger is set to walk into your life this week, and then walk out again, when you take a piss in his hydrangeas. However, do not fear, because soon after that wedding bells will ring! Not for you. You’re a cat. But you’ll hear them, coming from a nearby church, and they’ll annoy you.
Your meow is actually really lame. Nobody has the guts to tell you normally, as they want to protect your feelings, but it’s high time you knew the truth.
The moment has come to ask some big questions, such as “If I puke on this sofa, does it offically count as mine?”
There is an ancient eastern proverb that states “Something lost often leads to something found.” The coming few days will be a case in point, as you lose a collar but find some old toast to lick nearby.
Go away. I am eating.
This week you will ignore a toy your owner bought you but piss about for hours with the polystyrene packing beads it arrived with.
A big week for you! You’ll lick a spider out of nextdoor’s tabby’s ear and have a long, emotive dream about a beagle.
This is a very early extract of Close Encounters Of The Furred Kind, the fourth book about @MYSADCAT, @MYSMUGCAT and @MYSWEARYCAT, which is published in October and can be pre-ordered here. Catch up on the previous book, The Good, The Bad & The Furry here.
Find out more about the books, and the cats featured in them!
Saturday, 2 May 2015
Friday, 1 May 2015
"Can cats actually have sideburns?" you might wonder. The answer to the question, for anyone who has encountered Ralph - aka @MYSMUGCAT - is an emphatic "Yes!" Frequently compared to such hirsute mid-20th Century male pin-ups as Jim Morrison and Parallax View-era Warren Beatty, Ralph is simultaneously the most pretty and the most narcissistic of my cats. His beauty comes at a price, though - largely that of being a magnet to parasites and other creepy-crawlies, never more so than during the autumn of 2012, when he averaged around two slugs on his back per day. This wasn't ideal, especially when I found one of the slugs swimming around in my unattended morning cereal. That said, I found the image of the slugs on his back wasn't quite so bad if I imagined that each one was a small snake riding a horse. Ralph is also known for being able to meow his own name. It's a clever habit. Alternatively, perhaps he's just one of those annoying cats who like to refer to themselves in the third person.
and The Good, The Bad And The Furry.
The Good, The Bad & The Furry has also just been published in America and can be purchased easily from Barnes And Noble, Apple or Amazon. You can read a sample of it in this Guardian newspaper piece.
If you are elsewhere, The Book Depository sell the The Good, The Bad & The Furry (and Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail) with free worldwide delivery.